The NFL's Rodney Dangerfield

Every season, the team that wins the title will spout off that they were given no respect. This is usually some trumped up, self motivational tactic to get them to play hard, as opposed playing hard for the millions of dollars they are getting paid.

With the exception of last year's Giants (who still get no respect), this is a bunch of bull. I would love to see a team lose and say "Gee, no one was giving us any respect and I guess they were right."

But there is one player in the NFL who absolutely deserves to say he gets no respect- Jeff_Garcia.

This week, Buc's coach Jon Gruden made up a ankle injury for Garcia so he could bench him and start Brian Griese. Garcia has one bad game (a game his team could have won) after leading them to the playoffs last year yet he gets yanked. I never thought I'd have any sympathy for a millionaire, but I am starting to feel sorry for him, especially since I have been guilty of showing him no respect too.



Look at what has happened to him:


Undrafted in college, he is forced to play in the CFL. Playing football in Canada is like playing baseball in Miami. If no one is watching you play are you really playing?



Gets a shot to play for the Niners. Has Pro Bowl seasons. Leads them to the playoffs. Gets ripped by his best wide receiver (although he made him a Pro Bowl player too) and then eventually gets dumped after one bad year.

Said wide receiver along with a host of others question his sexuality. This despite the fact he married one of the sexiest women in the world.



Has to endure stops in Detroit and Cleveland and judged as a washed up QB, even though those teams have collectively been to a total of zero Super Bowls.

Goes to the Eagles, takes over for an injured McNabb and leads them to 5 straight wins and the division crown along with a playoff win. Then he is not offered a contract in favor of AJ Feeley.



Goes to the Bucs. In his first season, leads them to the playoffs, then gets benched for Brian Griese. Brian friggin Griese who could not beat out Rex Grossman!

Of course he still goes home every night to Carmella DeCesare and he probably can afford his mortgage...

oh screw you Garcia, I'm going back to feeling sorry for myself.

Real Predictions for NFL Season

If you are going to have credibility in the sports world, you have to make outrageous predictions before the season starts on what will happen. In order to get my official “guy with a blog who knows nothing” membership card, I am required to make such predictions.

Here are my “dead solid lock” - “take it to the bank” – “if I’m lying, I’m dying” things that will definitely happen this season. And by definitely, I mean pretty sure.

Chad Johnson will change his name to “Eight Five” in every language known to man. He will be committed to a mental institution when he tries to change it using Neptunese (the official language of the planet Neptune.)

Tom Brady will be listed as questionable or doubtful for every game of the year. He will of course play in every game of the season.

Halfway through the season, Cincinnati will start plucking players off their “Rikers Island Developmental Squad.”

The NBC studio show will have so many people on it, they will petition to become a team in the league.

Brett Favre will make 5 unbelievably great “I can’t believe what I just saw” plays this season.

Brett Favre will make 15 unbelievably terrible “What the hell was he thinking” plays this season.
During Week 4, Aaron Rodgers will become so freaked, his eyes will literally pop out of his head. They are already halfway out.

There will be more commercials featuring either one or both of the Manning boys than the total number of presidential campaign ads.

The NFL Network still won’t get on anymore cable networks.

The Dolphins WILL NOT make the playoffs.

These teams WILL make the playoffs:

AFC
Patriots
Steelers
Chargers
Jags
Colts
Broncos

NFC
Cowboys
Packers
Saints
Seahawks
Giants
Vikings

And finally… Super Bowl XLIII will be a rematch of Super Bowl XL with the Steelers against the Seahawks. And once again, the referees will win it for the Steelers.

NOTE- To all my friends that are Steelers fans, I apologize for the obvious open mouth kiss of death.

Week 1- Mo' Money, Mo' Money

Flush with success with my correct pick for the first game of the year, I am so overwhelmed with a sense of confidence that I have officially given notice to my day job and will live solely on my prognostication skills.

I will eat, sleep, drink and lather myself head to toe with all things football. After crunching the numbers, I figure to have accumulated enough money by the end of the Super Bowl that I will never have to work a real job again. However, it will not be enough money for my wife not to work again. She unfortunately will have to keep her 10 hour a day job. I feel really bad for her.

Now if you want in on this money making venture, all you have to do is:

$- Stopping paying all your bills. You will need the extra cash for your gambling bankroll

$- Get the Playboy Football coverage issue. Really, just read it for the insight.

$- Move to the state of Nevada or out of the United States (I know. Isn’t that the same thing?) Sports wagering in only legal in Nevada. Thanks President McCain.

$- Follow the picks I give you every week. My motto is “if you hate money, don’t listen to me.”

Week 1 Picks (picks in bold)

Bengals -1.5 at Ravens – The Ravens offense will be the only one the Bengals will stop all year.

Jets at Dolphins +3 – Pennington says revenge will play no part in this game. Pennington is a liar.

Chiefs +16 at Patriots – The Chiefs won’t be able to slow down the Pats, but Tropical Storm Hanna can.

Texans at Steelers -6.5- Ben is excited that he has receivers that are tall and have big hands, which makes him similar to 90% of women.

Jaguars at Titans +3 - The Titans offense- your cure for insomnia.

Lions -3 at Falcons - Congratulations Atlanta! You have made the Lions a road favorite for the first time since the Carter Administration.

Seahawks PK at Bills- After hours of analysis, I picked the Seahawks because the coin came up heads.

Buccaneers at Saints -3.5 – After surviving Hurricane Gustav, you think the Saints are worried about Tropical Depression Garcia?

Rams +7 at Eagles- Everybody loves the Eagles. Nobody thinks much of the Rams. "Nobody" usually knows more than "everybody."

Cowboys -5 at Browns- Jessica Simpson covers songs better than the Browns cover receivers.

Panthers +9.5 at Chargers- I’d feel a little better about the Chargers if their QB, TE and best LB were not playing on one leg.

Cardinals at 49ers +2.5- Oh the Cardinals. Every year they are everyone’s sleeper pick to improve. And every year…oh you know the rest of the story.

Bears +9.5 at Colts- Pssst. Colts. I have a little tip. DO NOT KICK IT TO HESTER!!!!! I swear if they kick it to him, I am going to demand Dungy visit a court appointed shrink.

Vikings at Packers -2.5- I just feel for the kid and want him to do well. But if Rodgers costs me money here, he’s dead to me.

Broncos -3 at Raiders – Shanahan just won’t let go of that grudge against Al Davis. Kind of like Rosie can’t let go of the girls on the View…or fried chicken.

My real “seriously I’m going to bet” Picks
Chiefs/Patriots – under 45
Bears/Colts- under 44.5
Bengals -1.5 over Ravens
Broncos -3 over Vikings

This is why I drafted Chris Cooley

Looks like actual football players know as little about fantasy football as I do.