Eddie Murphy- Sports Prognosticator

Almost 20 years before it happened, Eddie Murphy predicted how the Giants/Packers game would end. Now, if he could have only foreseen Pluto Nash and that hooker's Adam's apple.

Cheers that Make the Difference

A couple of weeks ago, I checked with the fans of each team playing to get insight on how their team would play. It was.. how do you say?…insightful. Upon reflection and a couple of more beers, I decided that I failed to get the really deep …how do you say… insight into each team.

So I went to an even more informative source - the cheerleading squad. Many so called “experts” fail to weight the value of a team’s cheers in predicting the outcome of the game. I don’t mean how the cheerleaders look, but the quality and veracity of their signature cheer. As you know, positive reinforcement is the key to any team’s success. Just ask Bobby Knight.

Here are the playoff ready cheers these incredibly talented and dedicated mavens of exuberance have penned.

San Diego Chargers Cheerleader
“LT! LT! He’s our man!
If can’t do it, no one can!

He’s hurt? Oh then…

Rivers! Rivers! He’s our man!
If can’t do it,..what? him too?

Antonio! Antonio! He’s our man!
You are kidding me, him too?

No, I don’t follow the game, I am too busy coming up with cheers.

Damn. We don’t have a prayer. I’m so depressed, I’m gonna put on some more hair spray to cheer me up.”



New England Patriots Cheerleader
“Gimme a Z!
Gimme an O!
Gimme an O!
Gimme a M!
Gimme an I!
Gimme a N!

What’s that spell?
Victory!”



Green Bay Packers Cheerleader
“I like cheddar!
I like cheese!

For a Packers win
I’ll get on my knees!

But I’ll need help getting back up because this layer of fat I put on for winter had left me a little less limber.”

NY Giants Cheerleader
Editor’s Note: Did you know that the NY Giants do not have official team cheerleaders? Because of the enormity of this game, they hired this currently out of work “Giant” to lead the fans in rooting on the team.

“The cream!
The clear!
Depo-Testosterone!

Take some Giants
So I’m not the only one!

Now bug off. I hate you all.”



Referee Cheerleader
“Call that offsides
And illegal chuck
The boys in stripes
Are the ones I ____ !

Goooooo Zebras!

Sue me, I love men in authority.”


Chargers +14 at Patriots
I was all set to pick the Pats giving the points until I saw the weather report. The only thing Tom Brady hates more that faulty IUDs is strong wind. The only game he did not throw a TD was in windy conditions against the Jets, and this might come as a shocker, but the Chargers are better than the Jets.

Giants at Packers –7 Ely’s Magic Carpet ride comes to a frigid end in the tundra this weekend. I predict Brett Favre throws a TD pass in between his legs, with his back to the line of scrimmage while eating a kielbasa sausage.

Father Shows Son How to be a True Fan

(click on title for full story)

According to the Associated Press, authorities arrested a poor Packers' fan for the petty offense of tying his son up with tape and forcing the impertinent little lad to wear a Packers' jersey. Apparently, the kid violated the "honor thy father's favorite football team" commandment and refused to wear the jersey during the game last weekend.I don't get the problem.

Just like circumcision, braces and fastballs in the cup, it is a rite of passage for every young man to have his father's favorite team crammed down his throat.

What's the government going to do next? Forbid fathers from making their sons wear dresses when they get cut for the football team. What about parental rights? Maybe I ..I mean the kid looked better in sequins?

BREAKING NEWS: Simpson accused of violating bail terms

Looks like the Cowboys have had enough.

From just reading the headline, it seems Jessica Simpson must have violated the terms of the restraining order Jerry Jones put on her to keep away from Tony Romo.

It's a sad situaton but I guess jail time is the only way some people will learn their lesson.