Week 12- Let's Go to the (Music) Video!

In honor of last Sunday was the American Music Awards, here is the American Football Music Awards!

Each of this week’s picks comes with a music video that best exemplifies that game.

Remember, my picks for the losing team in bold


Vikings PK at Redskins
Def Leppard’s Photograph


Steelers at Bills +6.5
Bob Marley’s Buffalo Soldier


Titans at Texans -6.5
Jay Z’s Forever Young (Get it Fisher)


Jaguars +7 at Giants
Ryan Adam’s New York, New York (An underappreciated New York Anthem)


Panthers +10 at Browns
The Presidents of the United States’ Cleveland Rocks (Just not in sports)


Bucs +7.5 at Ravens
Randy Newman’s Baltimore



Eagles -3.5 at Bears
’85 Chicago Bears Super Bowl Shuffle (Feels like a long time ago huh Bears fans)


Packers +2.5 at Falcons
Ray Charles’ Georgia on my Mind



Dolphins at Oakland -3
Jimmy Buffet’s Fins


Chiefs at Seattle +1.5
Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit


Rams at Broncos -4
The Buggles- Video Killed the Head coach…err… I mean the Video Star


Chargers +3 at Colts
Cast of Anchorman’s Afternoon Delight (from the funniest movie ever set in San Diego)


49ers at Cardinals +1

REM’s It’s the End of the World (These two awful teams playing on MNF might just be the 5th sign of the apocolype)




Thursday 1-2
Last Week 9-7
Year 89-70-4

Thanks Football!

The top ten things every football fan should be thankful for this Thanksgiving:

10. The NFL puts the safety and well being of its players on the top of their priority list, just behind having them play more games and paying them less money.

9. Roger Goodell burning all the tapes from the Patriots’ Spygate. This way we fans will not be burdened with the knowledge of what was really videotaped.

8. Parody. At the start of the season, every team has a legitimate chance of making the playoffs …or finishing in last place.

7. Gus Johnson calling games.



6. The Colts and Patriots having to play each other every season.

5. The Lions and Bills not having to play each other every season.

4. The NFL’s logical fine system.
Illegal hit during the run of play = $75,000 fine
Assault and battery after the play is over = $25,000 (least the hit wasn’t to the head. Oh wait, it was.)


3. It is the best soap opera on TV since Melrose Place got cancelled. See all the over the top melodrama that goes on between games. See- Vikings, Favre, Fisher v. Young, TO, Rex Ryan, etc.

2. Post game press conference meltdowns!



1. Not one, not two, but three football games on Thursday gives you three opportunities to ignore your family during Thanksgiving.


There is one more thing to be thankful for- my picks! Staying with my theme this year, the losing team is in bold

Patriots at Lions +7
Saints at Cowboys +3.5
Bengals +9 at Jets

Week 11- Why read stories when you have Headlines

I am like most American in that I have a very busy schedule. As I spend my dedicated 12 hours per day web surfing, I do not have time to read the actual article. I just scan the headline. I am sure I get all the in-depth coverage I need from those bold font titles.

So for this week’s game, forget about watching the game. My predicted post game headlines tell you everything you need to know.

My picks for the losing side are in bold. I might listen to me if I were me, since I went 11-3 last week.

Al Davis awakens to find Raiders in first place, believe he is living in 1977.
Raiders +7.5 at Steelers

Texans fall behind early. Comeback halted by [insert interception, fumble, bear eating team]
Texans at Jets -6.5

Coach Fox gets ice cream vendor to QB for 4th quarter
Ravens -11 at Panthers

Redskins improve from “embarrassment” to “just getting beat.”
Redskins +7 at Titans

Tony Who? Kitna stakes claim to be the future of Cowboys, says inebriated Jones.
Lions at Cowboys -6

Favre blames sore tonsils for 5 interception game
Packers -3 at Vikings

Bills forfeit game. Figure last week’s win was only one they were getting for the year.
Bills at Bengals -5

Jaguars blame Josh McDaniels for loss- “What kind of idiots trade Peyton Hillis?”
Browns +2 at Jaguars

Todd Haley refuses to shake Wisenhunt’s hand. Claims Cardinals should have armed tackled instead of wrapping up.
Cardinals +8 at Chiefs

Since he gave up Heisman, Bush ask Carroll to give up bonuses earned during 2005 season
Seahawks +11.5 at Saints

Rams play “California Dreamin’” after every touchdown. Is this a subtle hint?
Falcons -3 at Rams

Singletary finally get around to blaming God for loses
Bucs +3.5 at 49ers

Manning wins despite having cast of “Big World, Little People” as his receiving corp.
Colts +4 at Patriots

Vick morphs into his Madden Avatar. Gets sucked into the world of Tron.
Giants at Eagles -3.5

Babies demand River stop pouting. Says give them a bad name.
Broncos +9.5 at Chargers


Thursday 1-0
Last Week 11-3
Year 80-61-4

Are you a true fan of Dolphins or Bears?

Five signs you are a true Bears fan:

1. You have the same hairdo as Brian Urlacher…and you are a woman.

2. You seriously believe Jay Cutler can lead the team to the Super Bowl this year.

3. You seriously believe Jay Cutler will finish the season will full use of all his limbs.

4. The Super Bowl Shuffle is on you iPod…and it’s the only song on your iPod.



5. You have petitioned the Vatican to canonize Mike Ditka.

Five (plus one) signs you are a true Dolphins fan

1. You have gotten in a fist fight defending the fact that Dan Marino is a winner.

2. The Dolphin fight song was also your wedding song.

3. You completely agree with that 8 year old kid getting tackled for wearing a Jets jersey…and you would have done it yourself if you had the chance.

4. You still call the stadium “Joe Robbie Stadium.”

5. You seriously believe that Greg Camarillo should have his jersey retired for scoring the winning touchdown that kept the Fins from going 0-16 in 2007.



6.- You are going to jinx the Fins’ Thursday night opponent by picking the Bears plus the 1.5 for the game.