Montreal Canadiens fans celebrated their team's Game 7 win over the Boston Bruins with the customary burning of cars and looting. In another sign that our neighbors to the north will not be outdone in the "boorish behavior" category, Canada showed once and for all why they deserve to be called the "Detroit of the North."
My favorite tidbit from the riot came from this Canadian Press line -
"The overall level of organization may have been somewhat relative. One merchant said looters walked off with 14 displayed high-end running shoes - all of them for the left foot."
If I were the Montreal police, I'd look for 14 men running really fast...in circles.
Showing posts with label hockey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hockey. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
It's terrible...and yet I can't stop watching it.
The first rule of Hockey Club is - you do not talk about Hockey Club
Second Rule of Hockey Club is- you keep your head on a swivel.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Friday, December 14, 2007
Week 15 - We Need More Reports
Yesterday the long awaited Mitchell Report came out which was baseball’s in-depth, non-bias investigation into how many Yankees they could accuse of steroid use.
But of all the issues that need to be investigated, baseball players increasing the size of their craniums and decreasing the size of their testicles is the least interesting to me. I believe there are far more pressing and important topics that need to be addressed. So Senator Mitchell, if you are done with your bloodhounds, I would like to borrow them for the following blue-ribbon investigations:
The Moss/Welker Report. I care less about Spygate than I do about how the Patriots were able to get the best wide receiver in the game for a 4th round pick and get the best possession receiver in the league for a 2nd and 7th…and from a team in their own division. Either something fishy is going on or the Dolphins and Raiders are just plain dumb! 95% chance that it is that later.
The Backbone Report. Investigation into the disappearance of Bobby Petrino’s backbone. It must be gone because how could he have slithered out of Atlanta like that. I think they will find it in the same location as Nick Saban’s.
The Compromising Photos Report. An immediate investigation needs to be launched on what damning evidence that the following have over their employer. This is the only logical explanation on why they still have a job:
Matt Millen –GM for the Lions
Isiah Thomas – Coach of the Knicks
Randy Mueller – GM of the Dolphins
Gary Bettman – Commissioner of the NHL (it’s a professional hockey league in case you were not familiar with it.)
Brian Billick- offensive genius for a team that can’t score.
Bryant Gumbel- for his play-by-play work on the NFL network.
The guy who gave out all those home loans to people who couldn’t afford it.
The Toothless Smile Report. An explanation is required for the fact that hockey players, who fight in their sports all the time, often come across as really nice guys in the media; while, players who fight in any other sports come across as total jerks. Maybe there is something sympathetic about a guy in need of dental work, which explains our affinity for the British.
The Bizarro World Report. This might be beyond any mere mortal to investigate, but how did the traditionally “clinically depressed” town of Boston end up with a first place baseball, football, and basketball team at the same time. It might be Boston’s screw you revenge to the rest of the country for not voting for John Kerry.
The Parenthood Report. It amazes me when I see all these celebrities with young children go to every party, event and premiere. Brad and Angelina seem to be literally everywhere in the world and, yet, are supposed to be great parents of 4 little children. I know parents who have not left their zip code in months. So are these celebrities just the most time-efficient people in the world or do they just pick the best nannies?
I feel an asterisk should be placed next to their “Best Mommy and Daddy in the World” mug.
The Energizer Bunny Report. How the hell has that bunny kept going for over 20 years!
Speaking of investigations, there should be a report explaining why for the first 12 weeks of the season I was picking at below 50%, but for the last two weeks, my winning percentage is up to over 70%! Last week, I went 11-5 (again), and 1-2 (not again) on my star picks. For the season, I am 101-96-10 and 22-25-3. My picks are in bold and that star indicates I feel so strong about it that I will not cooperate with investigators if I am wrong.
Cincinnati –8.5 at San Francisco
Arizona +4 at New Orleans
Atlanta +13 at Tampa Bay
*Baltimore –3 at Miami
Buffalo +6 at Cleveland
Green Bay –9.5 at St. Louis
Jacksonville at Pittsburgh –3.5
NY Jets +24.5 at New England
*Seattle –7 at Carolina
*Tennessee at Kansas City +4
Indianapolis –10.5 at Oakland
Detroit +10.5 at San Diego
Philadelphia +10.5 at Dallas
Washington +5.5 at NY Giants
Chicago +10 at Minnesota
But of all the issues that need to be investigated, baseball players increasing the size of their craniums and decreasing the size of their testicles is the least interesting to me. I believe there are far more pressing and important topics that need to be addressed. So Senator Mitchell, if you are done with your bloodhounds, I would like to borrow them for the following blue-ribbon investigations:
The Moss/Welker Report. I care less about Spygate than I do about how the Patriots were able to get the best wide receiver in the game for a 4th round pick and get the best possession receiver in the league for a 2nd and 7th…and from a team in their own division. Either something fishy is going on or the Dolphins and Raiders are just plain dumb! 95% chance that it is that later.
The Backbone Report. Investigation into the disappearance of Bobby Petrino’s backbone. It must be gone because how could he have slithered out of Atlanta like that. I think they will find it in the same location as Nick Saban’s.
The Compromising Photos Report. An immediate investigation needs to be launched on what damning evidence that the following have over their employer. This is the only logical explanation on why they still have a job:
Matt Millen –GM for the Lions
Isiah Thomas – Coach of the Knicks
Randy Mueller – GM of the Dolphins
Gary Bettman – Commissioner of the NHL (it’s a professional hockey league in case you were not familiar with it.)
Brian Billick- offensive genius for a team that can’t score.
Bryant Gumbel- for his play-by-play work on the NFL network.
The guy who gave out all those home loans to people who couldn’t afford it.
The Toothless Smile Report. An explanation is required for the fact that hockey players, who fight in their sports all the time, often come across as really nice guys in the media; while, players who fight in any other sports come across as total jerks. Maybe there is something sympathetic about a guy in need of dental work, which explains our affinity for the British.
The Bizarro World Report. This might be beyond any mere mortal to investigate, but how did the traditionally “clinically depressed” town of Boston end up with a first place baseball, football, and basketball team at the same time. It might be Boston’s screw you revenge to the rest of the country for not voting for John Kerry.
The Parenthood Report. It amazes me when I see all these celebrities with young children go to every party, event and premiere. Brad and Angelina seem to be literally everywhere in the world and, yet, are supposed to be great parents of 4 little children. I know parents who have not left their zip code in months. So are these celebrities just the most time-efficient people in the world or do they just pick the best nannies?
I feel an asterisk should be placed next to their “Best Mommy and Daddy in the World” mug.
The Energizer Bunny Report. How the hell has that bunny kept going for over 20 years!
Speaking of investigations, there should be a report explaining why for the first 12 weeks of the season I was picking at below 50%, but for the last two weeks, my winning percentage is up to over 70%! Last week, I went 11-5 (again), and 1-2 (not again) on my star picks. For the season, I am 101-96-10 and 22-25-3. My picks are in bold and that star indicates I feel so strong about it that I will not cooperate with investigators if I am wrong.
Cincinnati –8.5 at San Francisco
Arizona +4 at New Orleans
Atlanta +13 at Tampa Bay
*Baltimore –3 at Miami
Buffalo +6 at Cleveland
Green Bay –9.5 at St. Louis
Jacksonville at Pittsburgh –3.5
NY Jets +24.5 at New England
*Seattle –7 at Carolina
*Tennessee at Kansas City +4
Indianapolis –10.5 at Oakland
Detroit +10.5 at San Diego
Philadelphia +10.5 at Dallas
Washington +5.5 at NY Giants
Chicago +10 at Minnesota
Friday, March 9, 2007
Chris Simon Slashes Ryan Hollweg's Face
It's as if Chris Simon read by last blog and said to himself "Yeah, I have a stick. I should totally use it to decapitate another player."
Chris Simon...giving psychopaths a bad name.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Understanding Hockey Fights
A couple of weeks ago, there was huge fight during a National Hockey League game between the Buffalo Sabres and the Ottawa Senators. If you have not seen the fight, click on this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49sqgSv5SE0 . If you have seen the fight, click on this link because if you watched it once, you can’t help but watch it again.
Before I continue commenting on this, let me take a moment for some background information. In case you had forgotten, and by the TV ratings many of you have, there is a professional league in North America for the sport of “hockey”, a sport that combines the beauty, speed and grace of figure skating and monster truck shows.
Periodically during contests in this league, an altercation will arise. The cause of these altercations varies. It might be that one player says something to another player who takes offense to said comment. This is a remarkable occurrence in that seldom do two players speak the same language in this league. And even if they do, the chances that a comment can be properly understood when spoken through a toothless mouth are remote at best.
Another reason for a disagreement to arise is when one player makes excessive physical contact with another player, usually resulting in that player losing a significant amount of blood. A third party will then intervene on behalf of the bloodied player and proceed to extract the same amount of blood from the offending party. This is where hockey players get their credo “a pint for a pint”. I know many of you thought that was a beer reference, but that is only in the world of rugby.
And yet another reason for a massive display of physical harm against another human (or “fight”) is the time-honored tradition of “sending a message”. Guglielmo Marconi had his “telegraph”, Thomas Edison had his “telephone”, and Gordie Howe had his “three uppercuts to the jaw”. All have the similar purpose of transmitting a message from one person to another. In the case of hockey, that message is usually “we will not let you get away with braining our goalie.”
This later reason was the casus belli for the Senator/Sabres fracas. It achieved the distinction of official “fracas-dom” when the two goalies threw off their masks and proceeded to re-enact the famous “Dynasty” Alexis Colby v. Krystle Carrington cat fight, including going the extra mile for authenticity by wearing oversized shoulder pads. It was one of those special fights that happens two to three times a year and gets the purist of the sport to speak glowingly of the “good old days.” (translation: when only Canadians played the game)
But you don’t hear anyone saying this was a black eye on the sport (pun intended). You don’t have any commentators going off that “thug life” has taken over the sport. No pundits cry out that these kinds of fights are ruining the sport. Dr Phil has not talked about the toll this has taken on the youngest viewers of hockey, which I believe to be 52 year olds.
Now, if this was a basketball game or football game, oh lord you would not be able to keep Dan Patrick’s pie hole closed long enough to get a word in edge wise. Bob Costas would openly weep about how this is not what sports is supposed to be about. You would get blame spread evenly from rap music, to video games, to not enough mothers are breast feeding their children.
So why is there such great outrage when basketball players throw punches? Mind you, these punches connect as frequently as Shaq hits a free throw. On the contrary, hockey fights, in which people actually get hit, barely measure on the moral outrage barometer.
Oh sure, perhaps our indignation at predominantly African-Americans in violent situations while simultaneously ignoring predominantly Caucasian Euro-Americans in far more violent circumstances belies a not to subtle undercurrent of racism that our society has yet to exorcise itself of after 400 years. That’s what the so-called social-economic experts (i.e. pessimists) might say, but I like to think of myself, as most Americans do, as an ill-informed optimist.
And the ill-informed optimist in me believes we embrace hockey fights because it is a celebration of our Neanderthal past. Just like we have Civil War re-enactments, these hockey players act out, with great historical accuracy, the common exchanges between our earliest ancestors, even using wooden clubs just like they did. Watching someone get beaten down into bloody submission harkens us back to a time when life was much simpler. You hunted, you gathered, and then you died. No meetings to attend. No tax returns to file. No having to decide every four years who will lead the free world. Actually most of us don’t bother with that last thing, but you get the point.
So go back to the link above and watch it again, and again, and again. I promise you’ll get swept up in the nostalgia…and you’ll start craving mammoth meat.
Before I continue commenting on this, let me take a moment for some background information. In case you had forgotten, and by the TV ratings many of you have, there is a professional league in North America for the sport of “hockey”, a sport that combines the beauty, speed and grace of figure skating and monster truck shows.
Periodically during contests in this league, an altercation will arise. The cause of these altercations varies. It might be that one player says something to another player who takes offense to said comment. This is a remarkable occurrence in that seldom do two players speak the same language in this league. And even if they do, the chances that a comment can be properly understood when spoken through a toothless mouth are remote at best.
Another reason for a disagreement to arise is when one player makes excessive physical contact with another player, usually resulting in that player losing a significant amount of blood. A third party will then intervene on behalf of the bloodied player and proceed to extract the same amount of blood from the offending party. This is where hockey players get their credo “a pint for a pint”. I know many of you thought that was a beer reference, but that is only in the world of rugby.
And yet another reason for a massive display of physical harm against another human (or “fight”) is the time-honored tradition of “sending a message”. Guglielmo Marconi had his “telegraph”, Thomas Edison had his “telephone”, and Gordie Howe had his “three uppercuts to the jaw”. All have the similar purpose of transmitting a message from one person to another. In the case of hockey, that message is usually “we will not let you get away with braining our goalie.”
This later reason was the casus belli for the Senator/Sabres fracas. It achieved the distinction of official “fracas-dom” when the two goalies threw off their masks and proceeded to re-enact the famous “Dynasty” Alexis Colby v. Krystle Carrington cat fight, including going the extra mile for authenticity by wearing oversized shoulder pads. It was one of those special fights that happens two to three times a year and gets the purist of the sport to speak glowingly of the “good old days.” (translation: when only Canadians played the game)
But you don’t hear anyone saying this was a black eye on the sport (pun intended). You don’t have any commentators going off that “thug life” has taken over the sport. No pundits cry out that these kinds of fights are ruining the sport. Dr Phil has not talked about the toll this has taken on the youngest viewers of hockey, which I believe to be 52 year olds.
Now, if this was a basketball game or football game, oh lord you would not be able to keep Dan Patrick’s pie hole closed long enough to get a word in edge wise. Bob Costas would openly weep about how this is not what sports is supposed to be about. You would get blame spread evenly from rap music, to video games, to not enough mothers are breast feeding their children.
So why is there such great outrage when basketball players throw punches? Mind you, these punches connect as frequently as Shaq hits a free throw. On the contrary, hockey fights, in which people actually get hit, barely measure on the moral outrage barometer.
Oh sure, perhaps our indignation at predominantly African-Americans in violent situations while simultaneously ignoring predominantly Caucasian Euro-Americans in far more violent circumstances belies a not to subtle undercurrent of racism that our society has yet to exorcise itself of after 400 years. That’s what the so-called social-economic experts (i.e. pessimists) might say, but I like to think of myself, as most Americans do, as an ill-informed optimist.
And the ill-informed optimist in me believes we embrace hockey fights because it is a celebration of our Neanderthal past. Just like we have Civil War re-enactments, these hockey players act out, with great historical accuracy, the common exchanges between our earliest ancestors, even using wooden clubs just like they did. Watching someone get beaten down into bloody submission harkens us back to a time when life was much simpler. You hunted, you gathered, and then you died. No meetings to attend. No tax returns to file. No having to decide every four years who will lead the free world. Actually most of us don’t bother with that last thing, but you get the point.
So go back to the link above and watch it again, and again, and again. I promise you’ll get swept up in the nostalgia…and you’ll start craving mammoth meat.
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