Week 3- Things I Would Change

My relationship with the NFL is not unlike a girlfriend to a boyfriend. Yes, I love it. I think it’s wonderful and just perfect the way it is, but….. just like anything you love, you just can’t help but want to change it completely.

There have been plenty of outcries for change to the overtime rules or to safety issues or the replay system. I’ll leave those complaints to the people who just want superficial change. I propose some fundamental changes that will completely alter the sport as we know while adding some spice to our relationship. And no, I do not mean having the NFL dress up like a nurse and me role playing as Rush Limbaugh begging for OxyContin.

Here are a few ideas I humbly suggest Roger Goodell employs. While I’m not going to leave the NFL if they refuse make these changes, I might have a few more “headaches” during Monday Night Football if they ignore me.

No field goals inside the 20 yard line and do away with kicking extra points
Field goals of less than 37 yards are becoming nearly automatic. Extra point misses are so rare and require such a choke job that my fantasy league penalizes 10 points for a missed PAT. Sure eliminating the short field would mean teams like the Raiders would be shut out half the year. But really why should we pull Sebastian Janikowski away from his Stoli and tonic for anything less than a chip shot.

Have a former player or coach from each team be the TV color commentators.
I thought it was cool during the World Cup that we had announcers that openly rooted for the US. It was also pretty neat when the studio analyst from different countries openly cheered for their respective nations. Look, we know Troy Aikman pulls for the Cowboys. Heck, I’d be disappointed if he didn’t. Why make him hide. Come out of the closet Troy! Pair him up with John Riggins for the next Cowboys/Redskins game and I promise not to turn down the volume on the TV. (like I usually do we he calls a game)

No more 2 minute warning.
Give each team an extra timeout they can blow uselessly earlier in the game. Also, this would eliminate certain rules that only apply for the last 2 minutes of a game. Isn’t that idea inherently stupid. If the rule is important enough for crunch time in a game, wouldn’t it be important for the other 58 minutes. (of course, this idea works soooo well for the NBA and NHL)

Have both teams’ cheerleaders at each game.
First off, why limit the ogling to only one set of cheerleaders when you can have twice the eye candy at a game. Do you mean to tell me opposing fans are going to loudly boo scantily clad women gyrating in front of them?

Allow cheerleaders to openly date players… both on their team and opposing teams.
You think Ines Sainz’s appearance at practice caused players to act like fools. Think of players sharing a sideline which their girlfriends, wannabe girlfriends, or girls that have restraining order out against them. Imagine playing in front of your fiancée while your “lady friend” is also on the field cheering for the other team. As an added bonus, we would give those useless sideline reporters a new and exciting purpose. Imagine Tony Siragusa interviewing a cheerleader.

Tony: “Your boyfriend is playing like he’s on fire today.”

Cheerleader: “Yeah, it might be because before kickoff I told him I am pregnant.”

Tony: “I’m sure he’s ecstatic.”

Cheerleader: “…with the other team’s quarterback’s baby.”

Tony: “I think we might have a fatality in today’s game. Back to you in the booth.”

For more great ideas, see my picks for the week. Last Week I went a very unimpressive 7-8-1, but still over .500 for the young year.
I am still sticking to my theme of picking LOSERS this year so the teams in Bold are the one that will lose (versus the spread)

Week 3

Titans at Giants -3
Bills +14 at Patriots
Browns +11 at Ravens
Steelers -3 at Bucs
Bengals -3 at Panthers
Falcons +4 at Saints
49ers -2.5 at Chiefs
Lions +11 at Vikings
Cowboys +3 at Texans
Redskins -3.5 at Rams
Eagles -2.5 at Jaguars
Colts -5.5 at Broncos
Chargers at Seahawks +6
Raiders at Cardinals -4
Jets +2.5 at Dolphins
Packers -3 at Bears

Last Week 7-8-1
Season 16-14-2