Week 15- I'm shocked, shocked!

They say the NFL is full of surprises, but is it really? Shouldn’t we have known ahead of time many of the events that occurred this season. You can see it coming like a Brett Favre 4th quarter interception.

Here are my picks for Week 15 with some things that have shocked me just like Capt. Renault was shocked to learn there was gambling at Rick’s.

My picks are in bold.

Packers -2 at Jaguars
I’m shocked, shocked, that a team is out of the playoffs that let go of a hall of fame QB in favor of one who had NEVER started a game .

Lions +17 at Colts
I’m shocked, shocked, that giving the President and GM position to a guy right out of the broadcast booth would drive a franchise to historic depths.

Redskins -6.5 at Bengals
I’m shocked, shocked, that a first year head coach who calls out a star player loses respect of his million dollar players.

Bucs at Falcons -3
I’m shocked, shocked, that a team with a QB who can complete forward passes is doing better than they were with a guy who could hit the broadside of barn.

49ers +6.5 at Dolphins
I’m shocked, shocked, that a team full of players scared ****less of losing their job are playing incredibly better. (can apply to both teams.)

Seahawks -3 at Rams
I’m shocked, shocked, that players would not give 100% to a head coach they know will not be their head coach in 3 more weeks.

Bills at Jets -7
I’m shocked, shocked, the Jets are not showing off their historic championship mettle at the end of the season.

Titans -3.5 at Texans
I’m shocked, shocked, (see Bucs Falcons comment)

Steelers at Ravens -2
I’m shocked, shocked, that a wide receiver for the Steelers would actually try to hit those poor little Ravens defender whose only desire in the world is to decapitate their opposition.

Broncos +7.5 at Panthers
I’m shocked, shocked, that a Broncos running back would get hurt for the season.

Chargers -5 at Chiefs
I’m shocked, shocked, that Norv Turner has spun a successful franchise right around and has them heading downward.

Vikings at Cardinals -3
I’m shocked, shocked, that doing beer bongs with coeds did not prepare Matt Leinart to be a starting QB.

Patriots -7 at Raiders
I’m shocked, shocked, at absolutely nothing that Al Davis says or does.

Giants +3 at Cowboys
I’m shocked, shocked, that Terrell Owens would utter even the slightest criticism of his starting QB.

Browns at Eagles +14.5
I’m shocked, shocked, ESPN has to pay for the rights to broadcast this game. (Seriously, I am shocked.)

Thursday 0-0-1
Last Week 8-8
Season 108-95-5

Picks that aren't so shocking

Bears -3 over Saints
49ers +6.5 over Dolphins
Giants +3 over Cowboys

This Week 0-0-1
Last week 1-2
Season 25-22-4

Five Things that will happen in the Saints/Bears game tonight

1. The words “Star Caps” will be mentioned more times that “catch by Shockey.”

2. There will be at least three cutaways to some idiot in the stands with his shirt off.

3. There will be at least 5 cutaways to a cheerleader so bundled up you are not sure if it’s an attractive women or a person with severe case of Hypertrichosis. (Google it) Either way, most guys will be attracted.

4. If the Saints kicker or punter kicks it anywhere near Devin Hester, Sean Payton will remove from his sweatpants his league-issued Glock and shoot said kicker. It will be judged totally justifiable.

5. Since the Saints are allergic to both natural grass and scared to death to see their own breath, the Bears will win 31-20.

Week 14- Layoffs

This week it was announced America lost a record number of jobs in November. Unfortunately, those layoffs did not include some in America’s favorite game.

Along with my picks for Week 14, here are some people who need to join the ranks of the unemployed when last month’s job lost record gets broken in December.

My picks are in bold.

Bengals +13.5 at Colts
Chad Johnson because if you outlandishly change your name, you need to back it up with outlandish performance…but in the good way.

Jaguars +6.5 at Bears
Whoever decided to sign David Garrard to a long term deal because it looks like he is joining A-Ha, Kajagoogoo and Big Country in the one hit wonders bin.

Texans at Packers -6
Whoever decided those all red uniforms were a good idea to wear on Monday night. They honestly looked like one of the team from Any Given Sunday because the NFL would not license official use.

Browns at Titans -14
Braylon Edwards. Everyone thinks the head coach should get the axe, but I figure the Browns would have won at least 2-3 more games if it was for “Hands of Stone” Edwards. But like the old saying goes, you can’t fire the players so you fire the coach. Oh wait, this is the NFL. You CAN fire the players.

Vikings -9.5 at Lions
The so called experts that expect this to be the Lions only win. Did you see the way they handled the run game on Thanksgiving? Did you see that a certain Adrian Petersen plays for the Vikings?

Eagles at Giants -7
The weapons safety officer for the Giants. Don’t tell me they don’t have one…every NFL team should have one.

Falcons at Saints -3
The Saints’ equipment manager because he is obviously telling his players not to get grass stains on their uniforms. I can tell by the lousy way they play outside the dome.

Jets -3.5 at 49ers
The Jets’ official guy who keeps the team from letting down. (Mangini?)The Jets are 1-3 against the worse division in football (the AFC West) and 7-1 against the rest of the league.

Dolphins +1 at Bills
Whoever in the Bills organization that agreed to give up a home game with the Dolphins in order to play in a dome. Your biggest advantage against Miami is that they are allergic to snow. Why don’t you sport them 14 points while you are at it?

Chiefs +9 at Broncos
The Broncos team pharmacist because he obviously not controlling their meds. They lose at home to the Raiders yet win on the road against the Jets? This team has more personalities than Brittney Spears.

Rams at Cardinals -14
The guy in charge of waking up the Rams on game day. In 3 of the last 4 games, they have been completely blown out by halftime. I suggest going to Target and investing in an alarm clock.

Cowboys at Steelers -3
The grounds crew at Heinz field. The turf is so bad I think the Steelers look forward to playing on the road.

Patriots -4.5 at Seahawks
The genius guy who put out the idea they should trade Tom Brady and keep Matt Cassel. I have two names for you: Dan Marino/Scott Mitchell

Redskins +6 at Ravens
Everybody on the Redskin offense not named Clinton Portis. Portis has been a warrior and if the rest of his team played as tough as him, they would be a “feel good” 7-5 instead of a “disappointing” 7-5.


Bucs at Panthers -3
If the offensive coordinator does not call every pass play for Steve Smith, he should be fired. If the past game proves anything, it doesn’t matter how many guys cover him, he will catch it.

Thursday 1-0
Last Week 9-7
Season 101-87-4

Picks that need no layoffs
Giants -7 over Eagles
Saints -3 over Falcons
Jets -3.5 over 49ers

Last week 3-0
Season 24-20-3

Five Things that will happen in the Chargers/Raiders game tonight

1. By the third quarter, the game will be so bad that the NFL Network will cut away to the NHL Network.

2. Audience members will wet their pants when they get sight of Sebastian Jankowski coming toward them in 3-D.

3. Instead of the San Diego Chargers, the announcers will consistently refer to them as the “Underperforming Chargers.”

4. Al Davis will call down to the field demanding they put Fred Biletnikoff into the game.

5. Chargers will win 24-10.