Saturday, December 6, 2008

Week 14- Layoffs

This week it was announced America lost a record number of jobs in November. Unfortunately, those layoffs did not include some in America’s favorite game.

Along with my picks for Week 14, here are some people who need to join the ranks of the unemployed when last month’s job lost record gets broken in December.

My picks are in bold.

Bengals +13.5 at Colts
Chad Johnson because if you outlandishly change your name, you need to back it up with outlandish performance…but in the good way.

Jaguars +6.5 at Bears
Whoever decided to sign David Garrard to a long term deal because it looks like he is joining A-Ha, Kajagoogoo and Big Country in the one hit wonders bin.

Texans at Packers -6
Whoever decided those all red uniforms were a good idea to wear on Monday night. They honestly looked like one of the team from Any Given Sunday because the NFL would not license official use.

Browns at Titans -14
Braylon Edwards. Everyone thinks the head coach should get the axe, but I figure the Browns would have won at least 2-3 more games if it was for “Hands of Stone” Edwards. But like the old saying goes, you can’t fire the players so you fire the coach. Oh wait, this is the NFL. You CAN fire the players.

Vikings -9.5 at Lions
The so called experts that expect this to be the Lions only win. Did you see the way they handled the run game on Thanksgiving? Did you see that a certain Adrian Petersen plays for the Vikings?

Eagles at Giants -7
The weapons safety officer for the Giants. Don’t tell me they don’t have one…every NFL team should have one.

Falcons at Saints -3
The Saints’ equipment manager because he is obviously telling his players not to get grass stains on their uniforms. I can tell by the lousy way they play outside the dome.

Jets -3.5 at 49ers
The Jets’ official guy who keeps the team from letting down. (Mangini?)The Jets are 1-3 against the worse division in football (the AFC West) and 7-1 against the rest of the league.

Dolphins +1 at Bills
Whoever in the Bills organization that agreed to give up a home game with the Dolphins in order to play in a dome. Your biggest advantage against Miami is that they are allergic to snow. Why don’t you sport them 14 points while you are at it?

Chiefs +9 at Broncos
The Broncos team pharmacist because he obviously not controlling their meds. They lose at home to the Raiders yet win on the road against the Jets? This team has more personalities than Brittney Spears.

Rams at Cardinals -14
The guy in charge of waking up the Rams on game day. In 3 of the last 4 games, they have been completely blown out by halftime. I suggest going to Target and investing in an alarm clock.

Cowboys at Steelers -3
The grounds crew at Heinz field. The turf is so bad I think the Steelers look forward to playing on the road.

Patriots -4.5 at Seahawks
The genius guy who put out the idea they should trade Tom Brady and keep Matt Cassel. I have two names for you: Dan Marino/Scott Mitchell

Redskins +6 at Ravens
Everybody on the Redskin offense not named Clinton Portis. Portis has been a warrior and if the rest of his team played as tough as him, they would be a “feel good” 7-5 instead of a “disappointing” 7-5.

Bucs at Panthers -3
If the offensive coordinator does not call every pass play for Steve Smith, he should be fired. If the past game proves anything, it doesn’t matter how many guys cover him, he will catch it.

Thursday 1-0
Last Week 9-7
Season 101-87-4

Picks that need no layoffs
Giants -7 over Eagles
Saints -3 over Falcons
Jets -3.5 over 49ers

Last week 3-0
Season 24-20-3


Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. BTM:

Cleveland has never sucked this bad. OK, who am I kidding. They often suck this bad. But 2008 was not supposed to be this way.

Who do you think should coach the hard-luck Browns?

The Mascot said...

I don't think it matters as much who coaches them, but rather who is the GM. Get a proven guy like Ron Wolf or Scott Pioli and they be in the playoff in no time.