Friday, January 18, 2008

Cheers that Make the Difference

A couple of weeks ago, I checked with the fans of each team playing to get insight on how their team would play. It was.. how do you say?…insightful. Upon reflection and a couple of more beers, I decided that I failed to get the really deep …how do you say… insight into each team.

So I went to an even more informative source - the cheerleading squad. Many so called “experts” fail to weight the value of a team’s cheers in predicting the outcome of the game. I don’t mean how the cheerleaders look, but the quality and veracity of their signature cheer. As you know, positive reinforcement is the key to any team’s success. Just ask Bobby Knight.

Here are the playoff ready cheers these incredibly talented and dedicated mavens of exuberance have penned.

San Diego Chargers Cheerleader
“LT! LT! He’s our man!
If can’t do it, no one can!

He’s hurt? Oh then…

Rivers! Rivers! He’s our man!
If can’t do it,..what? him too?

Antonio! Antonio! He’s our man!
You are kidding me, him too?

No, I don’t follow the game, I am too busy coming up with cheers.

Damn. We don’t have a prayer. I’m so depressed, I’m gonna put on some more hair spray to cheer me up.”

New England Patriots Cheerleader
“Gimme a Z!
Gimme an O!
Gimme an O!
Gimme a M!
Gimme an I!
Gimme a N!

What’s that spell?

Green Bay Packers Cheerleader
“I like cheddar!
I like cheese!

For a Packers win
I’ll get on my knees!

But I’ll need help getting back up because this layer of fat I put on for winter had left me a little less limber.”

NY Giants Cheerleader
Editor’s Note: Did you know that the NY Giants do not have official team cheerleaders? Because of the enormity of this game, they hired this currently out of work “Giant” to lead the fans in rooting on the team.

“The cream!
The clear!

Take some Giants
So I’m not the only one!

Now bug off. I hate you all.”

Referee Cheerleader
“Call that offsides
And illegal chuck
The boys in stripes
Are the ones I ____ !

Goooooo Zebras!

Sue me, I love men in authority.”

Chargers +14 at Patriots
I was all set to pick the Pats giving the points until I saw the weather report. The only thing Tom Brady hates more that faulty IUDs is strong wind. The only game he did not throw a TD was in windy conditions against the Jets, and this might come as a shocker, but the Chargers are better than the Jets.

Giants at Packers –7 Ely’s Magic Carpet ride comes to a frigid end in the tundra this weekend. I predict Brett Favre throws a TD pass in between his legs, with his back to the line of scrimmage while eating a kielbasa sausage.

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