Thursday, January 18, 2007

Keeping the "CL" in "CLASS"

I’d like to share a very disturbing event that happened to me at work this week involving a co-worker. For the sake of protecting his anonymity, let’s just call this co-worker Jack Stearns of 14563 Fallow Lane, Sherman Pines, CA 91512.

At our weekly staff meeting, Jack received special recognition from the boss for his work on a project that I was also working on. After the meeting, a jubilant Jack went directly to the lobby of our building, stood right on top of our company’s logo, and proceeded to do the Zany Ostrich dance.

I was appalled. This was the most classless act I had ever witnessed and a clear slap in the face to me. Jack knows full well that the Zany Ostrich is my dance. I do it everyday as a celebration of accomplishment. I do the Zany Ostrich every time I successfully put a phone call on hold, copy and collate a multi-page document, or pick up supplies from the mailroom. That’s my thing. That’s what I do. People know me by this. I might have it registered with the US Patent office, but I have to speak to a lawyer friend first.

Jack knows all this and yet he still did my patented neck swivel while rapidly moving arms bent at a 55 degree in an up and down motion. He did this with malice and spite in his heart. I know he wanted to rub it in my face that he got all the glory for creating that Powerpoint presentation, a Powerpoint that he would NEVER have been able to do unless I showed him how to insert tables and pie charts. So that makes Jack classless and ungrateful. I think this is clearly a reflection on his upbringing. I aim to tell him so next week, even though his parents recently passed.

This was eerily similar to what happened to the San Diego Chargers this weekend. They were defeated by the Patriots in a game that New England never would have won without the Chargers’ considerable help. The Chargers fumbled, dropped passes, committed bone-headed penalties, and made some coaching decisions that can be called, without reservation, “idiotic”. They did not practically give the game away; they completely gave the game away. And how does New England repay this abundant generosity. By doing Shawne Merriman’s renowned sack dance all over the Chargers’ logo at midfield. How’s that for gratitude.

I bet Jack Stearns of 14563 Fallow Lane, Sherman Pines, CA 91512 is a big Patriots fan. Maybe Jack’s parents got child-rearing advice from Bill Belichick.

Of course, since I suffered a similar disgrace, I completely agree with the anger and disgust expressed after the game by superstar running back and “classy guy” LaDainian Tomlinson. He complained the New England showed “no class” by their actions, and, as a San Diego Charger, he should know about behaving in a professional and tasteful way.

Excluding that fact that Charger players this year have been:
arrested for trafficking in narcotics,
suspended for steroid use,
chased down by police, and
committed some of the dumbest unnecessary roughness penalties in the history of the league,
the Chargers are the shining examples of all that is right and decent in the game of professional football. Who better that they to pass judgment on what is proper behavior.

I just hope that someday we can live in a world where all athletes show each other respect in victory and defeat; and a world where a man can create an interpretative fowl dance without concern that it will be aped by some wormy, backstabbing, couldn’t create a five colored pie chart if his life depended on it, cubicle mate.

Now, let’s get to the big weekend. I went 2-2 in my picks last week but I predicted I would go 2-2 so that makes me 100% in predicting the success of the prediction. I defy you to find another handicapper that knows himself as well as I do.

So, once again, I predict I will go 2-2 and since there are only two games, I will give you the extra bonus of picking the over/under for each game.

New Orleans +3 at Chicago Over 43
New Orleans’ head coach Sean Payton was one of the replacement players for the Bears during the 1987 NFL players strike. By being able to continue to run the league with replacement players, the owners effectively broke the NFL Players Association, leaving it the shell that it is today. Don’t believe me. The median salary of the NHL’s Dallas Stars is almost twice that of the Dallas Cowboys. Enough said.
What does this have to do with the game? Nothing really. I am just a big fan of Paul Harvey and always wanted to say, “And now you know…the rest…of the story.”
On a more positive point, New Orleans getting to a Super Bowl would be such a morale boost to its citizens, it would make them forget the fact they still don’t have electricity to watch the Saints on TV.

New England at Indianapolis –3 Under 47.5
You could not write this script any better if you tried. For Peyton and the Colts to get over all the past failures, they must overcome the cause of said failures. The Red Sox had to beat the Yankees, Steve Young had to beat the Cowboys, and the Tri-Lams had to beat the Alpha Betas. If Peyton loses this one, his next round of commercial endorsements will be for Zoloft, Nytol, and Jack Daniels…all blended together.

1 comment:

Jon Moss said...

Did Jack later on steal your bed in the shower? If so, then he should be shot!