Saturday, January 3, 2009

Wild Card Weekend- It's Like You Know

My picks in bold.

Falcons at Cardinals +1.5
You are back in high school. Your parents are leaving you alone for the weekend so of course you decide to have a killer house party. And this house is perfect for it. You’ve got a hug swimming pool, a game room with billiards and video games, and a fully loaded bar. You invite everyone at your school and even at the neighboring high school. Party night comes and only your five fellow members of the Mu Alpha Theta math club show up. You spend the night watching “A Beautiful Mind” and critiquing John Nash's theories.

Isn’t that how the Cardinals must feel? This is the first home playoff game they have had since they moved to Arizona. This is the first home playoff game for the Cardinals franchise in 60 years! And yet, they needed two extensions in order to sell out the game before the local blackout date.

They need to move to a new high school...I mean new city.

Colts -1.5 at Chargers
It’s The Class vs. The Ass. Manning is universally hailed as the poster child for the NFL. Polite. Great in commercials. Does charity work with the United Way.

On the other hand, Phillip Rivers looks like the guy that, while incredibly talented, no one really wants to be around because he is always chirping and yelping and talking crap. His teammates will defend him in public because they have to, but privately he was the one guy who was “accidentally” not invited to the end of the year bash at Shawne Merriman’s house.

Ravens -3 at Dolphins
You’re in Vegas and before you even check into the hotel you slip $20 into a slot machine. DING DING! You hit it for $5000. Now you are set for the trip. You can gamble to your heart's content and never have to worry about visiting an ATM or doing amateur porn for extra cash (a real option in Vegas).

That is exactly how the Dolphins must feel after beating the Jets last week and winning the division. They are playing with House money. And when you do that, the House always gets its money back.

Eagles at Vikings +3
The Vikings also had a hard time selling out their playoff game but that is because Vikings fans have zero faith in their team. Then again, Eagle fans have even less faith (negative faith?) in their team.

So this game ends up being a battle of the atheists. Symbols of faith or beliefs will be prohibited on the field and in the stands. The pre-game prayer will be replaced with players gathering to discuss plans for the offseason. None of the coach’s headsets will be plugged in while the QB helmets will play Marilyn Manson.

By halftime. I expect the stadium to be swallowed up by a black hole.

Last Week 8-7-1
Season 127-120-8

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