Thursday, September 20, 2007

Week 3- The Blame Game

It is America’s second favorite pastime after bowling. I can’t think of a greater skill to have than the ability to deflect attention away from your own failures and shortcomings and placed them on some other completely unrelated cause.

Everyone is born with the ability to play the blame game. We start off as a toddler blaming imaginary friends for spilling the milk, move to adolescence pointing the finger at the dog for eating the biology paper, and then move on to the young adult years blaming Pabst Blue Ribbon for that unfortunate night with the 255 lbs R.A. (but I passed every room inspection after that)

But what separates the really successful people in our society from the ones who write seldom read sports blogs is the ability to truly master “ludicrum culpa.” It is the trait that leads men and women to become captains of industry, Presidents of the United States, and players in the National Football League.

This week we saw some expert play at the blame game that deserves to be called out and admired.

Donovan McNabb adeptly deflecting attention from the fact that he has lead his team to only one TD drive in eight quarters and placing attention squaring where it would inoculate him from any further criticism, by playing the race card. Well played Donovan. Well played in deed. I have tried using the race card myself by saying people put too much pressure on me to bite my bottom lip when I dance, but it has never been as effective as Donovan.

Brian Billick blamed the Jets for illegally simulating the snap count, which at least for this week took attention off the fact that the offensive genius has one of the worse offenses in the league. Next week, Billick will blame the other teams for “trying to wrap there arms around our running back and pull him to the ground in a violent manner” for the reason they score less than 10 points,

The blame game was taken to another level when it was played by every team in the league that lost to the Patriots in the last 5 years (which pretty much is every team). It is an awe-inspiring sight to witness such a large collection of individuals working together toward the same goal - explaining away their butt kicking by the Patriots on video taping. Granted, Belichick is such an easy target to blame. He dresses like a hobo, has the personality of two-month old cottage cheese, and the disposition of someone who ate that two-month old cottage cheese. Nonetheless, when an entire league tries to dodge blame for not being able to stop a team that had Antwain Smith as its starting running back from winning the Super Bowl, that’s more than just winning the blame game, that’s just plain ballsy.

Last week I went 5-10-1 in my picks a 0-3 on my star picks. Do I take responsibility for this display of putrid prognosticating? Nope. You see last week, instead of doing my due diligence, I spent it watching my recently acquired bootleg copy of seasons 2 and 3 of “Perfect Strangers.” That Balki is soooo damn funny I could not pull myself away from watching what fine mess he got his cousin Larry into next. That’s my story and I am sticking to it.

So for the season I am 13-16-2 and 3-3-1 on my star picks. Here are the picks for this week. I have already taken the time to pick who I will blame if I get them wrong. I am too busy this weekend because guess what just came to my doorstep…”Family Matters” seasons 1 and 2. Damn that Urkel makes me laugh so.

My picks are in bold.
*- denotes I really feel so strongly about this I will blame my own mother if I am wrong.

Indianapolis at Houston +6
I blame Mario Williams for trying to pick up a late fumble instead of falling on it. He wanted to run it back so he can say he had more TDs than Reggie Bush.

San Diego at Green Bay +5
I blame Norv Turner for doing what the league could not do last season, stop LT from scoring.

Minnesota at Kansas City –3
I blame Herm Edwards for using up all his time out in the first 2 minutes of the each half.

Detroit +6 at Philadelphia
I blame Donovan McNabb for reading my above blog and getting so angry he goes out a completes a pass to a wide receiver.

Buffalo +16 at New England
I blame my utter stupidity for picking against the Patriots for three straight weeks. Just like in roulette, it just has to come out black sometime…right?

*Miami at NY Jets -3
I blame my brain for overruling my heart and making me pick the stinkin’ Jets. I also blame the Jets for simulating the snap count, forcing the center to actually hike the ball to Trent Green.

Sidebar- Did you see last week where Trent Green failed in his attempt to spike the ball to stop the clock. He actually failed to make perhaps the simplest play in organized sports. Take the ball and slam it to the ground. I see one-year olds do this all the time, yet he could not. The guy next to me summed it up when he muttered “Jesus Christ, Dolphins.” Amen.

San Francisco at Pittsburgh –9
I blame all my Steelers fans who so passionately argue that the Steelers are going to win every week that I feel like I have to pick them or I might end up with a Terrible Towel in a terribly uncomfortable place.

Arizona +8 at Baltimore
I blame Matt Leinart for being too tired because he is busy raising a young baby. Oh wait, he doesn’t have to deal with that.

St. Louis + 3.5 at Tampa Bay
I blame the coin I flipped to make this pick. I have always had a thing against to Delaware quarters.

*Jacksonville at Denver –3
I blame Jake Plummer because I am old school I and I just can’t let go.

Cincinnati at Seattle –3
I blame the Seattle weather. All that rain has got to make the Seahawks depressed. Unfortunately, the league banned Prozac for them because it would be a performance-enhancing drug for Seattle.

Cleveland at Oakland –3
I blame Janikowski for hitting on fields goals for 51, 47, and 49, but missing the 39 to tie the game at the end. I guess its tough to kick a ball after downing vodka for three hours.

Carolina –4 at Atlanta
I blame Atlanta’s DB for not taunting Steve Smith thus not getting him all riled up to go off for 200 yards and 3 TDs. Where’s Deion when you need him?

NY Giants at Washington –4
I would blame Jason Campbell but is there a starting QB in the league that is talked about less than him? So I’ll blame Joe Gibbs for being so caught up with his NASCAR drivers that he’s been giving his players 5W30 instead of Gatorade.

Dallas +3 at Chicago
I blame the Cowboys for punting the ball anywhere in the direction of Devin Hester. Actually, they should go for it on every fourth down, like the Grossman is going to lead them to a score.

*Tennessee +4.5 at New Orleans I blame my friend who just moved to Tennessee from Miami and now roots for the Titans. Bad Dolphins karma is highly contagious and can spread easily to any new team a former fan pulls for..and there is NO cure. (da da da dummmm)

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