Five Things That Will Happen in the Thursday Night Game

Broncos @ Texans

1. You will fall into a hypnotic trance to the droning voice and monotone play by play calling of Bryant Gumbel. Do not watch this game while driving.

2. Jay Cutler will throw for 3 TDs and more than 250 yards, giving every fantasy football player a self-induced concussion from knocking his head against a wall from not playing him. I will be wearing a helmet for this very purpose.

3. There will be 127 split screen shots of Mike Shanahan on the Bronco sideline and of his son, Kyle Shanahan over on the other side for the Texans. This story angle will be beaten dead by the middle of the 2nd quarter, revived with electric paddles during the half, and then beaten to death again for the 4th quarter.

4. Sage Rosenfels will look decent for the first 2 ½ quarters, then throw an inexplicable interception that will make Texan fans smack their collective forehead and say “Oh, I forgot, Sage Rosenfels is playing tonight.”

5. And for strictly recreational purposes, Denver will cover the 1-½ points they are getting. (Even though I think they will win outright, I am too much a scary cat not to take the lousy point and a half.)