Friday, October 10, 2008

Week 6- A Maverick Speaks

Weird thing happened this week. I got a call on Wednesday at 3:00am from John McCain.

That part was not so weird since he often calls me at all hours of the night. Usually we chat about old movies, reality TV and fun recipes that can be done under 30 minutes. But this night, he wanted to talk about football. I said, “You know John, I have a blog where I pick each week’s games.” After a twenty minute explanation on what a blog is, he asked if he could offer up his picks for this week.

Because he is my friend (and because in less than 4 weeks could have the IRS audit me), I happily obliged. Here are John McCain’s picks and explanations for Week 6. His picks are in bold.

Raiders at Saints -8
My friend, I am a maverick. I’ve been a maverick all my life. So I know maverickness and to be honest, Al Davis is a little too mavericky. He makes me looks like Mr. Rogers.

Ravens +4.5 at Colts
My friend, a strong defense is vital to national security and to a football team. The Ravens are all about defense- keep the other team from scoring. The Colts are all about offense. They have that “tax and spend and score” mentality that just leaves Americans with a huge electric bill for lighting up the scoreboard. I have been and always will be against lights!

Bengals at Jets -6
I don’t know if you know this, but I use to fly jets. And when I flew them, I flew like a maverick. You know who else is a maverick…Brett Favre. The way he improvises with the football makes me inclined to name him my chief economic advisor.

Panthers +2 at Bucs
Look my friend, the liberal media doesn’t understand Steve Smith. Who among us has wanted to punch out a teammate, Senate colleague or presidential rival? If you have watched any of the debates, I am a hair trigger away of cold cocking “That One.”

Lions +13.5 at Vikings
The Lions did the right thing. They changed leadership, while leaving intact the coaching staff, front office and players. That is exactly the kind of change I will bring to America.

Bears -2.5 at Falcons
My friend, there is nothing good that comes from Chicago. Baseball teams. 60s radicals. Senatorial lightweights. But since I am in hock for 50k to the Bellagio, I’ve got to go with the better team here just to get even.

Dolphins +3 at Texans
My friend, the choice is simple. Do you want the same old, experience, well informed, ready to lead from day one person to serve as Vice President? Or do you want someone who is unpredictable and performs way above low expectations. I’ll take the wildcat for both for my offensive schemes and my VP.

Rams +13.5 at Redskins
My friend, I am a Washington outsider. Even though I have lived and worked there for close to 30 years, I have always hated the Redskins and as president I promise to continue hating them...along with the city’s public transportation system and its cherry blossoms.

Jaguars at Broncos -3
This one is a tough choice for me. Both Colorado and Florida are swing states. But, my friend, being commander –in-chief is all about making tough decisions. Just like when I am at the craps table…do I bet the hard eight or the hard ten?

Eagles at 49ers +4.5
The California liberal elite would love for me to pick against their beloved team just so they can bash me for being biased. Well, my friend, I am going to do the exact opposite. Why you ask. Because that’s what mavericks do. We do what doesn’t really make sense just to mess with you.

Cowboys at Cardinals +5.5
I am from Arizona. More importantly, my wife loves the Cardinals. And if you think I am going go against my financier, ummm, I mean my love, you got another thing coming my friend.

Packers and Seahawks -2.5
The Packers went away from the experienced, proven, fly by the seat of his pants quarterback in favor of the good looking, young, wide eyed liberal quarterback. My friend, if elected president, I promise to be the steady hand that leads America’s economy to the brink of the Super Bowl…only to blow it with a late interception.

Patriots +5.5 at Chargers
My friend, I know what is takes to be a patriot. I see one every day...when I look in the mirror. And patriots don’t talk about timetables or exit strategies or leaving the West Coast when they have back to back games there. Just like these Patriots, I am committed to stay in Iraq until we win the game and I don’t care how many overtimes it goes.

Giants -8 at Browns
I want to send out my well wishes to Kellen Winslow of the Browns. I heard about his, well, …how do I put this delicately…”his balls growing to the size of grapefruits.” As a maverick, I know what it is like to have a pair that big. Imagine how huge mine have to be for me to pick Palin as VP. They have grown even larger since I have completely ignored the stock market crash and decided to focus on “that one” and his “associations.”

Last Week 8-5-1
Season 39-33-2

The picks John doesn’t know but I am really going to bet
Panthers/Bucs over 36.5
Panthers +2 over Buccaneers
Patriots +5.5 over the Chargers
49ers +4.5 over Eagles

Last Week 2-2-1
Season 10-8-2

No comments: