Friday, October 9, 2009

Week 5 - Questions Answered

From time to time, readers of this site might have questions of me they would like answered. I have no idea what those questions are since no one actually ever writes in with questions. However, if they did, I suppose these a sample of what they would ask.

I have taken the pre-emptive approach of answering these queries before you even get a chance to ask them. Thinking ahead. That's what we do here. Kind of like planning ahead what plays you will call when you get the ball inside the 10 with less than a minute to play. Huh Dallas?

What did you think of what Favre did on Monday?
I am no Vikings fan, but I am a fan of human misery. Heck who isn’t? Secretly most people are fans of watching others suffer. And if they are not a “fan” of misery, they at least have it as a friend on Facebook. So I found it enjoyable to watch Brett Favre rip out the collective heart of an entire fan base, show it to them as it still beats, and then use it as a door stop for the barn door on his farm in Mississippi.

Having said that, if Dan Marino had ever played for the Jets, I would have shanked him.

What formula do you use to pick games? I’d like to know so I can use the complete opposite?
Ha. Another satisfied customer. Honestly, I study each team’s strengths and weakness, what the weather conditions will be game day, and the recent history these teams have against each other. Then I do what every other Vegas gambler does, I throw all that away and go with whatever the callers on sport talk radio say I should. Louie from the Bronx sounds like he really knows his stuff…when I can hear him over his mother screaming in the background.

If you could play any position on a football team, what would it be?
That’s simple. Third-string emergency QB. I get a great view of the game standing on the sideline calling in the plays. The odds of me actually having to play, and therefore get hurt, are minimal at best. And I get to attend all the team functions which usually have great food and an open bar. Free food and drink. The dream of any football player.

What team has impressed you the most?
Jacksonville Jaguars. Hands down. Their fan support is putrid and yet they are 2-2. This is a decent team with a decent history and yet even the Lions (who reside in the most economically decimated area of the US) out draws them. It also begs the questions - If a team wins a game, and no one is there to watch them, do they still gather for the post game prayer?

What do you enjoy the most in watching a football game?
The fans. Specifically fans that have money on the game. There is no joy like the sight of a grown man hitting a five team parlay when an extra point gets blocked. If asked at that moment, he would say it was a greater event than the birth of his child. And who can blame him. Anyone with a measurable sperm count can get someone pregnant, but taking the rent payment out of your girlfriend’s diary and placing it all on 5 teams to win, now that’s balls.

Who do you think is going to win this week? And by win, I mean cover the spread?
Funny you should ask. Here are my picks for the week. I feel flush with success having come off a 9-5 week.

If you hate money, don’t bet on these picks!

My picks are in bold.

Vikings -10 at Rams
Cowboys at Chiefs +8.5
Redskins at Panthers -3.5
Bucs at Eagles -14
Raiders at Giants -15
Browns at Bills -6
Bengals +8.5 at Ravens
Steelers -10.5 at Lions
Falcons at 49ers -2.5
Patriots at Broncos +3.5
Texans at Cardinals -5.5
Jaguars at Seahawks (PK)
Colts -3.5 at Titans
Jets at Dolphins +2

Last week 9-5
Season: 30-32


Rebecca said...

Funny stuff. i always blame my mascot...the KU Jayhawk! Particularly when our players get into fights

Rebecca said...

I've got a real question now. How do you justify watching the entire monday night football game to your wife even if she knows you have no personal favorite in the game.

Or, much worse, she knows you're only watching to track the fantasy stats of one stupid player.

Hmmmm, i riddle you that!

The Mascot said...

Very good question Rebecca. And one I am constantly coming up with a new answer for since I have to use it for my own wife.
I usually go with telling all the personal backstories of who hates whom and who is dating what actress. This is my attempt to turn the game into an episode of Desperate Housewives for her...except the players use less steriods than the actors on Housewives.