Week 4 - Football Films

I already predict this weekend will be horrific for football. Not because I fear my favorite sea faring mammals from southern Florida will lose again. Some things you just have to come to terms with as you grow up to be a man-child.

No, far worse than that, Disney’s “The Game Plan” opens at a theatre near you this weekend. The film stars Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as a superstar QB who is suddenly forced to deal with the consequences of his skipping his college course “Application of Contraception 101.”

Side note- While I made that course up, don’t you think that should seriously be a pre-requisite class offered to college athletes. Matt Leinhart and Tom Brady now receive child support notices instead of Father’s Day cards. Travis Henry sired 9 kids! Forget the traditional easy class like “Rocks for Jocks” and instead give them a class they can use like “Socks for Jocks.”

I digress. So you get the point. The Rock has to deal with his new found little daughter while trying to lead his team to a championship and he learns a valuable lesson about being a responsible adult and working as a team and blah blah blah I am going to throw up. I saw something on ESPN where they talked about making this film look authentic, like real football fans are going to judge this movie on whether The Rock checked down to the open receiver. There is not a football fan around that is going to go out and spend the $10 to see this movie. They will wait like the rest of us until it comes on HBO and watch it when no one else is around.

It did get me thinking about what are the best football movies ever made. Hollywood has done a poor job in this department compared to other sports. There are far more good films about baseball and boxing than about America’s favorite sport. But here is my stab at those movies worthy of being called “great football flix”

Rudy - The Rocky of football films. I hate Notre Dame, but love this film.

North Dallas Forty – aside from Mac Davis making a lousy QB, I thought the film was ahead of its time to show the gritty, business side of the sport.

The Waterboy – if you don’t quote Rob Schneider’s “You can do it!” line at least once a week, you are not a football fan, and you are a liar.

Brian’s Song- the Gale Sayers (Billy Dee Williams) speech in the locker room after Brian dies can make a Vulcan cry.

Remember the Titans- alright I granted it’s a bit schmaltzy, but its got Denzel and that gives it street cred.

The Longest Yard (original) they did not need to remake this film, the original still holds up today.

Friday Night Lights – the movie actually frightened me about how obsessive Texas football fans can be. Imagine if we elected a president from there? (Yes, you are right. That was a cheap shot at President Lyndon Johnson.)

Those are my picks and I’m sticking with them. As for my weekly picks, well last week I like the movie “The Replacements,” the epitome of mediocre. I went 6-6-4 overall and 1-1-1 on my star picks. For the year, I am 19-22-6 and 4-4-2 with my star picks.

Here are this week’s picks along with the movie that best describes the game.

My picks are in bold.
*- denotes I really feel so strongly about this pick I am willing to go see it in the theatre instead on waiting for it on DVD.

Oakland +4 at Miami – “Black Sunday” – The way things are going to go for the Dolphins this Sunday, I hope a blimp crashes into the Orange Bowl. Yeah, I know they don’t play there anymore. It’s not like I want anyone to actually get hurt. Geez.

Houston at Atlanta +3 – “Back to the Future” –don’t you think the Falcon’s wish they could jump in the DeLorean, dial it back about a seven months, and never let Matt Schaub go..and never returned Joey Harrington’s phone calls.

Baltimore –4.5 at Cleveland – “Necessary Roughness” – because Ray Lewis’ act is starting to remind me of Sinbad.

*Chicago -3 at Detroit - “Starting Over” – It’s like the Bears started their real regular season this week after trying things with a “starter QB”

Green Bay at Minnesota +2 – “The Highlander” – this is the game Favre break Marino’s career TD mark, proceeds to lob off his head and scream “There can be only one!” …then throws an interception to lose the game.

*St. Louis at Dallas –13 – “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” – No Stephen Jackson. A hurt Marc Bulger. No Orlando Pace. People will be running for the aisles to avoid the unsightly gore.

*NY Jets –3.5 at Buffalo – “Buffalo 66” – which represents the total number of yards the Bills will gain with Trent Edwards at the helm.

Tampa Bay +3 at Carolina -“Song of the South” – just like the movie, this game should be banned.

Seattle -2 at San Francisco “My Dinner with Andre” –it’d be just like these two laid back, coffee sipping teams to give us a three hour game about as exciting as watching two people talking.

Pittsburgh at Arizona +6.5 - “Revenge” – If the Cardinals play one great game this year, it’ll be against the team the spurned its coach.

Kansas City +12.5 at San Diego – “Falling Down” you know how crazy Michael Douglas gets in this film, LT and Herm Edwards are one step away and who ever loses this game is heading for the Santa Monica pier.

Denver at Indianapolis –10 – “Everbody’s All American” – Peyton Manning fits the bill. He’s a great QB, likable person, and fantastic spokesperson. If he did a PSA saying sticking your fingers in your ears prevents cancer, I would listen. Actually, I wouldn’t listen too much after that since, well you get the point.

Philadelphia –2.5 at NY Giants– “The Great White Hype” – what about all the pressure placed put on Eli Manning because of his race, which is the race of people with perpetual looks of confused depression.

New England –7.5 at Cincinnati - “Spy Games” – one last dig at the eventual Super Bowl champions.