Saturday, October 2, 2010

Week 4- Panic!

It’s week 4 of the NFL, also known as “Holy crap, my team sucks!” week for a good portion of the league.

For Lions fans, this week happened once the 2010 schedule was announced.

I just spent a week in Denver listening to local sports fans bitch and moan over the Broncos ineptness in scoring points, there lack of any hope of a winning season, and the fact their head coach needs to be carded when he picks up a pack of cigs. Their only bright spot for the future has been relegated to third string emergency QB duty. (Yeah, Denver spent the 25th overall pick on a third string QB).

The beauty of football is that, unlike say baseball and basketball, there is not another game in the next day or two to ease one’s nerves. Football fans have a full 6-7 days to allow their anxiety and frustration to grow and ferment like a fine wine or moonshine. During this week, the fans go through the five stages of grief:

Raiders and Saints fan- “Damn my standard, low definition TV. It makes it look like he missed that kick. Of course he didn’t. No one misses a kick from less than 30 yards.”

Broncos fan- “How the hell can we put up over 500 yards of offense in a game and score only 17 points. Do you think our idiot head coach would put in for a 4th and goal play the guy holding the clipboard who won a friggin Heisman scoring on one yard plays!”

Lions fan- “Okay. In a month we will get back our starting QB, just in time to play the Bills. At least we will win that game so we don’t repeat 2008.”

Bills fan- “Okay. In a month, we will give up on playing a quarterback and strictly hike it to Spiller, just in time to play the Lions. At least we will win that game so we don’t pull a Lions.

Giants Fan- “Oh gawd, dis team sucks. Manning sucks. Coughlin sucks. The defense sucks. Bloomberg sucks. New Jersey sucks. AJ Burnett sucks. My mother-in-law’s lasagna sucks. The traffic on the GW sucks. The Global Initiative on Climate Change sucks. Geez, at least da Knicks aren’t in last place…yet.”

Jaguars fan- “Hey, no worries. This team is going to be Los Angeles’ problem in a couple years.”

I have no reason to feel depressed since last week I found myself back on the winning track by sticking with my system of picking losers. If it ain’t broke…

Below are my picks for Week 4 with the losing side in bold.

Broncos at Titans -6.5
Ravens +2 at Steelers
Bengals -3 at Browns
Lions +14.5 at Packers
Panthers +13.5 at Saints
49ers at Falcons -7
Seahawks at Rams +1
Jets -5.5 at Bills
Colts -7 at Jaguars
Texans -3.5 at Raiders
Cardinals at Chargers -8.5
Redskins +6 at Eagles
Bears +4 at Giants
Patriots at Miami +1

Last Week 10-6
Year 26-20-2

1 comment:

Christine said...

Hey, this is funny stuff! Where are your Twitter and Facebook share buttons?