Saturday, November 6, 2010

Week 9- The buck stops no where near here!

When I judge a NFL coach, I have only one criterion- The quality of his excuse for losing.

Our leaders, from sports to politics, always start their concession speeches with “I take full responsibility for…” Then by the next sentence, they are grabbing people by their shirt collars and tossing them right under the proverbial bus.

And I respect that. It’s easy to take the blame. I say “I’m sorry” about 115 times a day. But I think it is a far greater and impressive skill to come up with a unique and creative way of explaining away one’s failures.

A personal example: I promised my wife I would wash her car. When I did not, she kindly pointed this out to me. I retorted “If President Obama had not sent all that stimulus money for road construction here, your car would not be that dirty and instead I could spend my time stimulating the economy in a much more profound way by playing online poker! Granted it’s the economy of Aruba, but still.” She apologized and quickly wrote a letter to the local editor ripping the President.

Mike Shanahan took it to an All-Pro level this week with his explanation for pulling Donovan McNabb. His brilliant (and ever changing) explanations diverted away from the fact that he has failed to have any semblance of a running game or that his defense gave up over 30 points to the Lions. Mr. Shanahan sir, your neighbors in our nation’s capital could clearly use you advice and counsel.

This week with my picks, I offer the losing head coaches some advice on the best excuse to use for the post game press conference. You’re welcome. As I have done all year, my pick for the losing team are in bold.

Bears -2.5 at Bills
Bills’ excuse- “We’re not use to the time change in Canada.” Note Buffalo and Toronto in same time zone.

Chargers at Texans +2.5
Chargers’ excuse- “We were trying to win a bar bet with some guy who said we couldn’t commit 10 dumb penalties and/or turnovers in one game. Ha! Looks like it's Zimas for us!”

Saints -6.5 at Panthers
Panthers’ excuse- “It’s Jake Delhomme’s fault. Can we still use that?”

Cardinals +8 at Vikings
Vikings’ excuse- “Favre…. mumble, mumble…turnovers… mumble, mumble…Moss… mumble, mumble…caterer… mumble, mumble…….migraines…mumble, mumble…challenges… mumble, mumble………booze cruise… mumble, mumble…Anyone have boxes for packing?”

Bucs +8.5 at Falcons
Falcons’ excuse- “Buc’s coach Raheem Morris tricked us into believing he was completely clueless. In truth, he is only 90% clueless.”

Jets -4 at Lions
Lions’ excuse- “Hey, we already won two games this year. For us, it’s like we’re the 72 Dolphins.”

Dolphins +5.5 at Ravens
Ravens’ excuse- “The NFL is cramping our style with all these rules about hard hits and shanks to the gut.”

Patriots -4.5 at Browns
Browns’ excuse- “It’s Jake Delhomme’s fault. Or did the Panthers already use that?”

Giants at Seahawks +7
Giants’ excuse- “Even though it was only for a few hours, this rain in Seattle just made us so depressed by the 4th quarters we just wanted a Starbucks laced with Prozac.”

Chiefs +1 at Raiders
Raiders’ excuse- “Playing in front of a sold out home crowd kind of threw us off. It was such a new experience…and a scary one.”

Colts +3 at Eagles
Eagles’ excuse- “We honestly did not believe Peyton Manning could turn the Colts’ towel boy into a 100 yard receiver.”

Cowboys at Packers -7
Cowboys’ excuse- “We ran out of them.”

Steelers at Bengals +4.5
Steelers’ excuse- “The thought of being up close for 3 hours to the T.Ocho Show drove us to forfeit the game.”

Last Week 7-6
Year 62-51-4

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