Thursday, December 24, 2009

Week 16- Coaches and their Christmas Lists

Santa Claus might be smart and efficient enough to deliver presents to the approximately 6 billion people in the world, but his elves know nothing about cyber-security.

I had a team of 13 year old computer whiz kids work all this week year cracking Santa’s firewall. Instead of money, I just needed to ply them with X-box 360 games and show them a continuous loop of Megan Fox clips from both Transformers movies. My pre-pubescent commandos were able to crack Santa’s Google groups account and access the wish list of several NFL coaches.

I thought about not revealing what I learned in order to keep sacred the confidentially between Santa and his subjects; but alas, I need content for this week’s post.

Eric Mangini, Cleveland Browns- packing crates to load up his office.

Brad Childress, Minnesota Vikings- someone, anyone, to respect his authority.

Bill Belichick, New England Patriots- a play to gain 2 yards on 4th down.

Jim Caldwell, Indianapolis Colts- 1000 pounds of bubble wrap to protect his starters for the next two games.

Raheem Morris, Tampa Bay Buccaneers- a demotion back to linebackers coach where he wasn’t over his head.

Lovie Smith, Chicago Bears- the receipt so he can return that early Christmas gift he got with the Orton/Cutler trade.

Tony Sparano, Miami Dolphins- for anyone to recognize that it’s not all Bill Parcells.

Andy Reid, Philadelphia Eagles- Cookies. Cake. Oh, hell any kind of food.

John Fox, Carolina Panthers- ability not to have to play Jake Delhomme anymore. (already granted)

Gary Kubiak, Houston Texans- football games that end after three quarters.

Tom Cable, Oakland Raiders- a meeting with Dana White to join UFC

Mike McCarthy, Green Bay Packers- for Tiger Woods and Brett Favre to trade places

The Mascot, Blame the Mascot- winning picks for this week to overcome my horrendous previous week.

So below are the straight from the North Pole. (picks in bold)

Chargers +3 at Titans
Seahawks at Packers -14
Raiders +3.5 at Browns
Chiefs at Bengals -13.5
Bills +9.5 at Falcons
Texans at Dolphins -3
Panthers +7 at Giants
Bucs at Saints -14
Jaguars +7.5 at Patriots
Ravens +2.5 at Steelers
Broncos at Eagles -7
Rams at Cardinals -14
Lions +12 at 49ers
Jets +6.5 at Colts
Cowboys at Redskins +7
Vikings at Bears +7.5

Last Week 5-10-1

Season 118-101-5

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