Friday, September 5, 2008

Real Predictions for NFL Season

If you are going to have credibility in the sports world, you have to make outrageous predictions before the season starts on what will happen. In order to get my official “guy with a blog who knows nothing” membership card, I am required to make such predictions.

Here are my “dead solid lock” - “take it to the bank” – “if I’m lying, I’m dying” things that will definitely happen this season. And by definitely, I mean pretty sure.

Chad Johnson will change his name to “Eight Five” in every language known to man. He will be committed to a mental institution when he tries to change it using Neptunese (the official language of the planet Neptune.)

Tom Brady will be listed as questionable or doubtful for every game of the year. He will of course play in every game of the season.

Halfway through the season, Cincinnati will start plucking players off their “Rikers Island Developmental Squad.”

The NBC studio show will have so many people on it, they will petition to become a team in the league.

Brett Favre will make 5 unbelievably great “I can’t believe what I just saw” plays this season.

Brett Favre will make 15 unbelievably terrible “What the hell was he thinking” plays this season.
During Week 4, Aaron Rodgers will become so freaked, his eyes will literally pop out of his head. They are already halfway out.

There will be more commercials featuring either one or both of the Manning boys than the total number of presidential campaign ads.

The NFL Network still won’t get on anymore cable networks.

The Dolphins WILL NOT make the playoffs.

These teams WILL make the playoffs:



And finally… Super Bowl XLIII will be a rematch of Super Bowl XL with the Steelers against the Seahawks. And once again, the referees will win it for the Steelers.

NOTE- To all my friends that are Steelers fans, I apologize for the obvious open mouth kiss of death.

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