Saturday, September 13, 2008

Week 2- As the Old Saying Goes...

This week, debate over the use of a quirky proverb supplanted our national discourse on the most important issues of the day, like will Tom Brady’s modeling career be affected by his torn ACL.

We all know you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still going to lose in heartbreaking fashion to the stinkin’ New York Jets.

But there are some other proverbs you might not be aware of when it comes to NFL games. So this week, along with these can’t miss picks, I’ll give an appropriate, uniquely American, proverb that best fits the game.

My picks are in bold.

Raiders at Chiefs -3.5
Don't blame the cow when the milk gets sour.
Lane Kiffin essentially blamed the Raiders’ pathetic performance on the defensive coordinator and the owner because in an Al Davis lead team, the head coach is the least responsible person.

Giants at Rams +9
What you can learn by boxing with a left-hander costs more than it's worth.
The Rams will learn a lot about themselves this week coming off a disastrous performance. Unfortunately, none of what they learn will help them play football.

Colts -2 at Vikings
Always drink pure water.
Or in the case of (former) Colts DE Ed Johnson, always smoke the pure tobacco.

Titans +1 at Bengals
The rooster makes more racket than the hen that laid the egg.
Chad Ocho Cinco nee Johnson sure does make a lot of noise …and sure does drop a lot of balls.

Saints PK at Redskins
If you buy a rainbow, don't pay cash for it.
Daniel Snyder needs to start using a credit card when hiring new coaches so he can dispute the charges when he has to let them go after one season.

Packers -3 at Lions
Don't trade off a coonskin before you catch the coon.
It still boggles the mind that the Packers were so willing to let go of a Hall of Fame, Pro Bowl QB for a guy who had started as many NFL games as Joe Flacco, Matt Ryan and Matt Cassel. It would be like electing a Vice President who has never met a foreign leader. That explains why Ted Thompson headed up McCain’s VP vetting.

Bears and Panthers -3
Someone who pets a live catfish isn't crowded with brains.
Someone who goes into the NFL Season with Orton and Grossman as its two QBs isn’t crowded with brains.

Bills +6 and Jaguars
A hole in your britches lets in a heap of uneasiness.
The Jags’ decimated offensive line is going to make for a very uneasy season for David Gerard and for the team’s medical staff.

49ers and Seahawks -7
The mule doesn't pull so well with a mortgage on his back.
Paying your two backups QBs over $8 million and have the cheapest player on the roster start is money management that’ll get you to run Lehman Brothers.

Falcons +7 at Buccaneers
Never trust a man too far who stays mad through Christmas week.
I also say don’t trust a man that starts Brian Griese at quarterback.

Patriots +2.5 at Jets
A bull without horns can still do some right sharp pushing.
Just because they lost the QB who had the greatest season ever, do not count out the Pats. They still have of plenty talent…and videotapes.

Dolphins at Cardinals -7
It doesn't take a prophet to predict bad luck.
I don’t think I will be confused with Nostradamus when I say the Dolphins will be terrible…or that the Cardinals will look like a playoff team this week and still not make the playoffs.

Ravens at Texans -4.5
Folks on the rich bottomland stop bragging when the river rises.
Here’s hoping that the people of Houston can worry more about their football team than their homes.

Chargers at Broncos +2
A sharp axe is better than big muscle.
What do lumberjacks and Bronco offensive linemen have in common? They both chop for a living.

Steelers -6 at Browns
Trying to understand some folks is like guessing at the direction of a rat hole underground.
If you can explain why Romeo Crennel kicked a field goal when his team was down three touchdowns in the 4th quarter, MIT will give you a doctorate in quantum physics.

Eagles at Cowboys -6.5
Watch out when you're getting all you want. Fattened hogs ain't in luck.
Jerry Jones and the Cowboys are getting all they want. New Stadium. Super star players. Reality TV Shows. Bleached blond celebrity cheerleaders. The only thing they won’t get…a playoff win.

Last week record 10-6
Season record 10-6

My real “seriously I’m going to bet” Picks
Bears/Panthers Over 37
Patriots +2.5 over Jets
Texans -4.5 over Ravens
Bills +6 over Jaguars

Last week 3-1
Season 3-1

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